Thank You for Joining Our ‘Raising Tomorrow’ Coffee Morning

Thank you to those who were able to attend this morning’s session, Navigating Multi-Generational Values and Defining Parent Roles, hosted by one of our Elementary School Counsellors, Kelly Arrington. It was a pleasure to have such a thoughtful discussion on how family structures influence our children’s development. For those who couldn’t make it, no problem at all—we’ve summarised the key points below so you can still engage with the conversation.

Key Takeaways from the Session
Our discussion focused on the unique dynamics of multigenerational families, where multiple generations are involved in caregiving—either under one roof or across different locations. Many of our UNIS Hanoi families experience this in different ways, whether they live in extended family households year-round or come together during school breaks. While this structure brings invaluable support and wisdom, it can also present challenges around decision-making, parenting consistency, and children’s independence.

Some of the key themes included:
The Benefits of Multigenerational Living

• Strengthened family relationships and shared values
• Increased caregiving support for children and elderly family members
• Financial stability and shared resources
• Emotional and social support within the family

Challenges That Can Arise

• Hierarchy of power – Parents and grandparents may struggle with who makes key decisions
• “Adult shopping” – Children may seek different adults until they get the response they want
• Reduced discomfort tolerance – Many caregivers can mean fewer opportunities for children to experience small setbacks and build resilience

Encouraging Independence at Home
At UNIS Hanoi, we actively promote age-appropriate independence to help children gain confidence and essential life skills. Parents can support this at home by encouraging children to:

• Manage basic personal care – Dressing themselves, putting on shoes, using utensils
• Take responsibility for their belongings – Carrying their backpack, packing their lunch, handling library books
• Ask for help proactively – Encouraging children to express their needs rather than waiting for an adult to notice
• Tolerate small discomforts – Accepting frustration, losing a game, following a routine even when they don’t feel like it

Children need moments of frustration to learn self-regulation. Allowing them to face minor struggles, rather than solving everything for them, helps them develop problem-solving skills and emotional resilience.

Balancing Family Values Across Generations
As family structures evolve due to lower birth rates and an aging population, it is important to strike a balance between respecting traditions and fostering independence in children. Some of the strategies we discussed included:

• Clearly communicating parenting values to grandparents, nannies, and other caregivers to ensure consistency.
• Framing difficult conversations around what skills we want children to develop, rather than passing judgment on others’ parenting styles.
• Instead of saying, “You’re spoiling them,” trying, “I want my child to learn patience, so I prefer they wait their turn rather than getting what they want immediately.”

How Discomfort Builds Resilience
At school, children must follow a “group plan” rather than always getting their way. We encourage parents to mirror this at home by:

 Encouraging fairness over preference – For example, letting adults choose the bedtime story sometimes, instead of always allowing the child to decide
 Letting children experience losing – Not always letting them win at games or get their way
 Allowing waiting and delayed gratification – Teaching them to handle not being the immediate focus of attention

This helps children become more adaptable, resilient, and emotionally equipped to handle challenges independently.