Raising Tomorrow: Parenting Third Culture Kids

Helping globally mobile families navigate identity, resilience and belonging

This week’s Raising Tomorrow Coffee Morning series welcomed renowned parenting educator Anne-Sophie von Heyden for an outstanding and deeply relevant session titled “Raising Third Culture Kids”. With nearly every seat filled, it was one of our most popular sessions to date—resonating with the internationally diverse parent body at UNIS Hanoi.

As global mobility increases and more families live outside their passport countries, the phenomenon of raising children in cross-cultural contexts has become more common—and more complex. Coined by sociologist Ruth Hill Useem in the 1950s, a Third Culture Kid (TCK) is defined as someone who “spends a significant part of their developmental years outside the parents’ culture,” forming a unique “third culture” that blends elements of both home and host cultures.

Anne-Sophie expertly unpacked what many families intuitively know but often struggle to articulate: that the TCK experience is both enriching and emotionally complex. These children are often adaptive, multilingual, and globally minded, but they can also face hidden grief, unresolved identity questions, and challenges in forming lasting relationships.

A 2020 study by Pollock, Van Reken & Pollock in Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds (3rd ed.) confirms this duality, noting that while TCKs often demonstrate advanced empathy and creativity, they also report higher levels of unresolved grief and anxiety compared to non-TCK peers—especially when transitions are frequent or unsupported.

The session highlighted several themes and practical strategies:

• Adaptability as a Strength, but not a shield: TCKs may learn to adapt quickly, but frequent changes can lead to an invisible emotional load. Parents were encouraged to acknowledge this complexity rather than gloss over it.

• Toxic Stress & Resilience: Anne-Sophie introduced research from Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child, which distinguishes between positive stress and toxic stress, the latter being prolonged without the buffer of strong adult relationships. The good news: supportive, intentional parenting can reverse or prevent much of this impact.

• The Five Pillars of TCK Support:

1. Involvement – Equip children before a move (language, culture, expectations)
2. Education – Understand the TCK framework as a family
3. Conversations – Talk openly and regularly about emotions
4. Awareness – Acknowledge that different children handle mobility differently
5. Relationship – Invest deeply in the parent-child bond; it’s their emotional anchor

• The RAFT Model for Leaving Well:
  Developed by Dr. David Pollock, this model encourages families to leave places intentionally:
  Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewells, and Thinking ahead to the next destination. This process is especially important for teens, who are forming lasting memories and grappling with identity.

• Anchoring Identity: Families were encouraged to establish their own rituals and traditions that persist through moves—such as celebrating national holidays in consistent ways, creating a family mantra, or weekly dinners. These shared practices give TCKs a sense of belonging and continuity.

With global transitions on the rise and increasing awareness of mental health and data privacy, international schools are uniquely positioned to support both children and parents. According to a 2022 report by ISC Research, schools with clear strategies for mobility, inclusion, and wellbeing are outperforming others in student satisfaction and family engagement.

Anne-Sophie’s session reminded us that raising a child abroad is not just about access to international education—it’s about intentional parenting in the context of constant change.

As one parent reflected after the session, “It gave me the language to understand what my child might be experiencing—and the tools to do better.”

• Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds – D.C. Pollock, R.E. Van Reken & M.V. Pollock (2020)

• Harvard Center on the Developing Child – developingchild.harvard.edu

• TCK Training & Resources – tcktraining.com

• “Why TCKs Struggle with Identity”, Psychology Today, 2023
• “Belonging Across Borders”, International Schools Journal, Vol. 43, No. 1, 2024